'It feels manipulative': Mom attempts to gift nursery decoration to son, pregnant daughter-in-law rebuffs it because it's not her style

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Mar 5, 2025 6:00 PM EST

There is no denying that being a mom-to-be, pregnant with your first child, is an overwhelming experience. It feels like there is so much to prepare for in relatively little time, all while your body is changing in ways never experienced before. A good support system is necessary, but it is easy for these relationships to turn sour. A lot of attention is paid to the cultural phenomenon that is the Bridezilla, but many would argue that the mom version can be even more severe.

With so many things to think about and many of them seeming out of your control, it is understandable that some expecting moms are not always the most reasonable when dealing with their closest relationships. Still, as with any falling out, it is important to realize when you might be in the wrong. Most parents need even more support once the baby arrives, and they're dealing with sleep deprivation.

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    via Karolina Grabowska (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • This was something one expecting mom found herself grappling with after a disagreement with her husband about some nursery wall art that his mother had given him as a belated birthday present. His wife did not want to use the art as she felt it wasn't their style and that her mother-in-law was being overbearing, but he felt guilty about casting it aside—especially as his mom had offered to use it in the nursery in her house if they didn't like it. The mom-to-be wanted confirmation that she wasn't being unreasonable.

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    Cheezburger Image 10475682048
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    AITA for refusing the bday gift my MIL gave my husband?

    My husband (32m) and I (30f) are expecting our first child this June. Both our families have been supportive and understandably excited. We recently vacated a room that will soon become the nursery. My husband mentioned to my MIL that he was thinking of giving the room a fresh coat of paint while I was away during a specific week in February. The following week, she said she was going to take the time off work and make the drive (4 hours) to come stay at our house and help him paint. He told her
    via Amanda8663
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    She's asked what else we've done to set up the nursery and I told her I wanted to wait until after my shower in April to begin purchasing what wasn't gifted from my registry. She knows we've intentionally bought nothing for it ourselves and have no plans to touch it until then. Last week my husband was passing through her city and she gave him a belated bday gift. It's a piece of wall art for the nursery that's related to the theme we told her we'd be using, but it doesn't match the items I'd al
    via Amanda8663
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    When my husband came home, I told him I didn't want to put it in our nursery because it feels like she's being pushy (with this and the painting) and trying to nest for our baby preemptively on my behalf, after I've made it clear I have something specific in mind and won't be actioning it for a couple months. Offering to put it in her house instead feels like a tactic to force us to tell her pointblank that we don't want to use it, and my husband has an extremely hard time with those kinds of co
    via Amanda8663
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    I'm not going to use the art, and I don't feel bad about it. But my husband thinks we should use it anyway bc it'll be awkward if we don't, and it isn't a big deal. I told her if he feels awkward, I'm happy to have a conversation with his mom to explain that I wanted to pick things out for the nursery myself, and what she gave us doesn't fit with what I had in mind. AITA?
    via Amanda8663
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    Outsiders felt the expecting mom was being somewhat unreasonable.

    Travelgrrl I would just tell her that you love it but it's not what you are envisioning for your nursery and you look forward to seeing it in HER nursery. She might have been trying to be kind to offer that "out", rather than the negative qualities you have ascribed to it. Nobody is bad here; just try to treat MIL with a little grace and thank your stars this isn't her first grandchild!
    via Travelgrrl
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    Girl_Power55 She said she will put it in her nursery if you don't use it. That's perfect. Just tell her it won't match yours and you'll be happy to see it in hers. Your mother-in-law wants to be helpful and included. This is better than the grandmas who disappear and say things like "I had my kids. I'm not taking care of yours."
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    BoredofBin This. She isn't shoving it down OP's throat to accept it. She is perfectly okay to put it up in her nursery. I honestly don't see why that is a problem for OP. The fact that it's a gift for her husband and not her is something that OP seems to skip altogether.
    via BoredofBin
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    catskilkid So she has offered to help paint the house after your Husband mentioned that you two were going to do it. She followed up on this a few times, but you've seen her 2 times this year. The she has the nerve to buy some art work that's related to your theme and if you don't like it, she'll take it back and hang it in her house. You don't like it but don't want to give it back to her because you feel she is playing games. YES it is your house, and your baby, BUT there has to be more to you
    via catskilkid
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    BigBigBig Tree it doesn't match the items I'd already picked I told him I didn't want to put it in our nursery I've made it clear I have something specific in mind I'm not going to use the art, and I don't feel bad about it I wanted to pick things out for the nursery myself This art belongs to your husband. If he wants to put it up somewhere, including your child's nursery, why shouldn't he be allowed to? You write a lot about what you want, but the only desire of your husband's which you've des
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    SummitJunkie7 "We've been non-committal because..." Have you tried being direct, instead? If someone is non-committal it makes sense that the conversation would continue, as it hasn't been settled yet.
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    BoredofBin As I see it, she volunteered to help you out, you didn't want it, that doesn't qualify you as an asshole. She pushed but she hasn't overtaken your house. That being said, your MIL is obviously excited, you told her about the nursery theme, she gave your husband, her SON a belated birthday gift related to your nursery theme, that didn't go with your idea of what you wanted for the nursery, does that make you an asshole? No. Your MIL suggested that if you don't want to put it in your nu
    via BoredofBin
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    pinkpink0430 I don't know your history with her but just based on this, YTA. It seems like she just wants to spend time with you and her son and doesn't feel like she can visit without a reason. If she has a history of being pushy and overbearing then I understand your frustration Edit: I just reread and noticed that she's the one who said if you don't like it she'll put it in her nursery. What's the issue? She gave you an out on her own. She seems pretty great honestly.
    via pinkpink0430
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    andromache97 NAH, but i think you could take a more generous attitude toward your MIL's behavior. She is being a little overeager and pushy, but in a way that seems pretty manageable. It's not like she's guilt-tripping you into anything or making uninvited trips out. It's hardly manipulative to buy a piece of art and offer to keep it at her place if you don't want it at yours. In the future she'll probably buy toys for the grandkid and offer to keep them at her place too.
    via andromache97
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    NoFlight5759 YTA. You've told her you want to paint the nursery and that both of your schedules weren't making this happen. If I was MIL I'd think offering to help is being nice. But, neither of you directly told her you don't want her help but it seems you speak about it enough. You told her the theme and she bought a gift on theme but not in the color scheme. But, she wouldn't know what the color scheme even is cause you seem to share certain things but not the whole picture. My ex MIL for my
    via NoFlight5759
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    DaxxyDreams Your long lists of excuses is lame and you sound extremely ungrateful and controlling. Sorry the present doesn't fit your "vision" for a nursery. Guess what, becoming a parent isn't going to match your vision of parenthood either. Either chill out and relax, or find yourself being in conflict and miserable a lot. Though I suspect the latter already. Yta
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    Hadtosignuptofothis YTA, I'm blaming it on hormones. Your MIL is just excited to be a grandma and is offering help. If you don't want the painting just do as she asked. Tell her " thank you that was thoughtful but the colors are a little off" then move on with your life. Personally I'd just hang the damn thing because I wouldn't want to deal with the aggravation and I'm gonna want child care so keeping my relationship with her good would be a priority. I'm guessing this is your first.
    via Hadtosignuptofothis
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    Doblofino ΥΤΑ Just put that damned thing in the room. Pretty soon, you are not going to get any sleep, you'll be covered head to toe in spit, shit and vomit, and you are going to look like you've went a few rounds with Mike Tyson. You don't need to make this woman your enemy, you don't WANT to make this woman your enemy and pretty soon, you won't care what the nursery looks like at all. Not because you don't care, but because you're going to be too tired and busy to notice. Just put it up.
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    Longjumping-Curve-32 Exactly...and in 3 years you will be re-doing the room for a big kid bed!
    via Longjumping-Curve-32
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    Hidden_Vixen21 She just seems excited and wants to show support and be an involved grandparent despite the distance. And take the freaking gift. She was kind enough to buy something in theme. And your kid can look at that and think "grandma got me that" as they grown. And you're whining because it doesn't match perfectly with what you picked out? This isn't an instagram post for you to show off your perfectly decorated space. It's much more important to have your kid surrounded by things that re
    via Hidden_Vixen21
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    Forsoothia YTA. Maybe you have a more difficult history with your MIL but it seems like this conflict might be more in your head than reality. She's being too enthusiastic about coming to help paint. And she bought a piece of art you don't like. She offered to keep the art if you don't want it. You're the one who has decided this is manipulative. Does she have a history of being passive aggressive and manipulative? Because if not I think you are reading into this too much. Also, this is your hus
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    Toniadion 1974 YTA all she did was offer to help paint and buy a picture for the nursery. How has this been pushy. You sou d exhausting and spoiled
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    ms_1102 Some people would love their in laws to even be somewhat interested in our children. She's said she will use the art if you don't like it. It's so trivial and you're having a baby, in a couple of years that nursery is being covered in all sorts of marks and stains from toys, messy fingers, ect. Your husband too gets a say in what he would like in there and if he likes it, and as a gift from his mother, you should allow that. It's both of yours experiences. But yeah most of all I know pre
    via ms_1102

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